Id never met her before, but I knew she was the one.
The look of an angel with wings hidden underneath the knitted grey sweater she wore alongside her matching beret which fit perfectly on her head, allowing a waterfall of long dark hair to run down her neck and land on her shoulders.
She was exactly my type... skinny fit, dark denim jeans with the typical cuts to show the skin of her knees, and of course the “I’m not like every other girl” black and white vans to go with it. But she wasn’t like every other girl.
[[...|Compare]]Unlike the mass of us who shroud ourselves with the illusion of being happy while deep inside knowing that life isn't worth the struggle. Yet we keep on living in this society believing that one day it will get better. Although deep inside we know its an endless timeline of pain and struggle with small incisions of happier moments that eventually form memories we hang to. Memories that give us just enough to keep on living.
She was the type of girl who was content with life, exactly the way it is. This could be seen by her smile, a smile made up of white pearls gifted from Poseidon himself, so filled with glee when the waitress brought her the cuppaccino she ordered a few minutes before.
She took one sip and immediately dug her nose back into the book she has been fixated on the entire time since I arrived. Just as I have been fixated on her ever since I stepped foot into this cafe’ to read my own book before my next class, so fixated that my un-sipped coffee had almost become iced.
[[...|Bag]]I don’t think I have ever seen such beauty bef…
She looked directly at me and my heart dropped straight into my stomach as her emerald eyes pierced my gaze.
Embarrassed I notice how long I'd been staring, and instantly look away to reach for my own book.
[[Take out book(Lord of the Rings)|Book]]
[[Take out laptop instead|Laptop]] Just to realize that I cannot take this book out now.
What am I thinking? How could I take this book out here? If she saw I was reading The Lord of the Rings, she would definitely think I was a creep or a typical nerd who probably spend most of his time alone behind a computer, which would really be completely off the mark. It also generally wouldn’t fit my "edgy" label with my all black clothes, tattooed black sleeve, black nails and dangling cross earring. I then decide that I have no chance with a girl like her anyway and take my book out.
Much to my surprise, instead of receiving a look of pity, she replied with a slight smile before returning to her own book. A feeling of warmth and silly excitement flushed over me as I open my book and continued reading where I left off previously while sneaking a glance in her direction between every few paragraphs until it is time for me to leave.
As I step towards the exit of the cafe', I take one last glance at her and am subjected to a flutter of butterflies in my stomach as I notice she too had taken a glance at me. Then without having the ability to muster up the courage to ask for her digits, I leave disheartedly for class, knowing I'll probably never see her again.
[[...|Class Bus]]Just to realize that I cannot take this book out now.
What am I thinking? How could I take this book out here? If she saw I was reading The Lord of the Rings, she would definitely think I was a creep or a typical nerd who probably spend most of his time alone behind a computer, which would really be completely off the mark.
It also generally wouldn’t fit my "edgy" label with my all black clothes, tattooed black sleeve, black nails and dangling cross earring. I quickly grab my laptop instead and pretend to be interested in whatever is on the screen. Although I want to stare, I begin to do my schoolwork and continue to do so, while sneaking glances in her direction every few minutes.
Once its time for me to leave for class, I pack up with a heavy heart. As I step towards the exit of the cafe', I take one last glance at her and am subjected to a flutter of butterflies in my stomach as I notice she too had taken a glance at me.
Then without having the ability to muster up the courage to ask for her digits, I leave disheartedly for class, knowing I'll probably never see her again.
[[...|Class Bus]]I spend the entire bus ride thinking of her, wishing she'd magically appear before me again someday, and hating myself for not having the guts to ask for her number. I keep replaying scenarios in my head, imagining what the outcome would have been like if I did end up asking her for it. Would she have given it to me? Definitely not if she knew who I really was, or rather how I am. See, other than the black clothes and the typical 21st anxiety, I seem to rely on substances more than the average student should.
I personally don't see a problem with it, but thousands of others would deem it unwise and "wrong". To be honest I don't think I'd be able to cope without it. It's difficult to handle Lokkannis once he comes out, now might also be a good time to mention that Lokkannis is another side of me, a part of myself that scares me, a dark and lonely side of me that doesn't do much good for me, other than writing. And these substances do a good job keeping him at bay. To sum it up simply, I hate being sober.
I am so caught up in these daydreams, I nearly miss my stop. I probably would have missed it if the bus didn't stop with such a jerk. And I'm not only talking about the way the bus stopped but also about "Jack", the typical loudmouth jerk that can't go 5 minutes without humiliating someone else to humour himself. As I step off the bus, all my dreams subside and reality kicks back in. I'm not sure I can handle a fully packed class of 100 students right now.
[[Take a casual dose before class(morphine)|Morphine Class]]
[[Wait until I get back to my dorm. They make it so hard to get your hands on this stuff these days anyway|Class]]Here we are again, back in an overcrowded room filled with countless other ignorant beings, most of which who are only here for the "college life" or to make their parents happy, with the exception of those who are here because they haven't given up on their dreams yet of course. All gathered here to pretend to listen to a lecture about which philosopher said what, when and how.
If it wasn't for participation marks, I would not be bothered to come. I've managed to find a seat towards the back of the class, not too far back as so that I don't end up seated next to the kids who barely pass, yet still decide that listening is too much of a mission so rather just waste their time playing mobile games and snickering between each other. But just far enough not to be grouped with the usual know it alls, not only would that be social suicide, but a kid of my type and style would stick out like a sore thumb.
Thank god I decided to take my small daily dose of morphine in the bathroom just before I walked into class. Not enough to be dangerous, but just enough to shelter myself from the constant echos of the hundreds of voices and murmers that seem to overcome me and leave me in cold sweats. Its not as if it would be any use to even try pay attention to this lecture, not with my mind constantly stuck on her. Just thinking of her leaves me in a state of ecstacy.
[[...|Bus Home]]Here we are again, back in an overcrowded room filled with countless other ignorant beings, most of which who are only here for the "college life" or to make their parents happy, with the exception of those who are here because they haven't given up on their dreams yet of course. All gathered here to pretend to listen to a lecture about which philosopher said what, when and how.
If it wasn't for participation marks, I would not be bothered to come. I've managed to find a seat towards the back of the class, not too far back as so that I don't end up seated next to the kids who barely pass, yet still decide that listening is too much of a mission so rather just waste their time playing mobile games and snickering between each other. But just far enough not to be grouped with the usual know it alls, not only would that be social suicide, but a kid of my type and style would stick out like a sore thumb and I'm not really in the mood for drawing attention. The longer I sit in here, the worse it gets... The constant murmurs of a hundred students continuously breaking the silence is teasing my anxiety. But I push the constant fear aside by forcing myself to replay the events of today in the coffee shop.
I should go there more often.
[[...|Bus Home]]There she was…
The girl I thought I'd marry one day..
Wrong.. The girl I KNEW I'd marry one day..
Wrong.. The girl I hoped I'd marry one day..
[[...|Her]]Finally, the lecture ends and I can make my way back home.
I get on the bus, plug my earphones in and stare out the window reminiscing of how great life was when we were younger, back when high meant swinging in the park playground and protection meant wearing a helmet.
*beep beep* I receive a text: "Yo dude, don't forget beer shack tonight, I'm on my way to LCBO, need anything?".
Shit I completely forgot it's my roommate, Brandon's birthday today and I promised to come out with the guys. As much as I hate most people and I could do with a quiet night, it's not all bad. The nightclub is one place where I can abuse substances as much as I want to let loose and forget about our day to day life for a while, and its seen as normal.
Besides, it's my best friends birthday, so we have something to celebrate.
[[...|NightClub]] It didn't take long for the mood to kick in once we were all back at the residence. A good group of friends, good music, and a couple of drinking games is always a good idea. Skip forward a few hours...
As much as I hate overcrowded places, once I have enough alcohol in my system, there are few places better than a nightclub filled to the brim.
This is where we seek refuge. This is where we can be ourselves. This is where we can further ingest the poison we learn to know as liquid courage. The feel of the bass vibrating throughout my body. It allows me to move in a way I never would normally, I just allow it to overcome my fear and move however feels right.
After a bit of dancing, I decide to head outside for a breath of fresh air, which I end up corrupting as I allow the smoke of my cigarette to fill my lungs. I take this time to relax a bit and enjoy the view of the city from the balcony.
I enjoy staring at the neon lights and dream of one day visiting New York, The Big Apple, the city of dreams. I hear an all too familiar sound and look down to see a group of people watching over their friend who is chundering on the side of the street while one of them is ordering her and uber. I've been in that position way too often. It reminds me of how my friends back home and I use to drink ourselves silly after a day of surfing. I miss those days. I miss the beach.
I reenter the nightclub and walk to the bathroom, time to break the seal and maybe get back into the party mood for the cost of a runny nose. As I pass the women's bathroom on the way to the mens I see an all familiar sight. Someone performing the task I was about to, I watched her lean over the counter where the sink was embedded and snort the white power through a five dollar bill rolled up to act as a straw.
[[But wait...|New Her]]She turns her head to the side to reveal her face. Once again my gaze is pierced by a set of emerald eyes. The music along with all other sound fades away and the world around me becomes silent.
Almost embarrassed she looks away. In shock, I quickly retreat to the men's bathroom and look into the mirror in disbelief. There is no way...
Can it be...
Was that really the girl from the coffee shop earlier that day.
But it's not quite her. Its the same angel as before but now dressed in all black.
[[...|The Search]]The sound begins to come back to me as reality kicks back in. I use this time to quickly as I can pull myself together and fix my hair.
I take one last look in the mirror. I want to explain this to Brandon, but there is no time.
Besides, he's probably in some corner snogging a new girl, he's good at that stuff.
Maybe I misjudged this girl. Maybe there is more to her than I thought. Maybe we have more in common than I imagined.
Maybe she too was only reading to forget about life for a while by entering an imaginary world filled with dreams through stories written by the great imagination of others...
I need to know more.
I leave the bathroom in search of her.
I start by looking to see if shes still at the basin where she was.
[[Search the dancefloor|Dancefloor]]
[[Check the balcony|Balcony]]I make my way through the crowd of people on the dancefloor in a hurry, bumping into people left and right.
I can't seem to find her anywhere.
I run into my group of friends who excitedly point towards Brandon, revealing him in the corner. He' finally landed the catch "Kasey" he's been trying to "wife" for the past few months. He looks over and I give him a thumbs up with a huge smile on my face. I'm super happy for him, but right now, I need to find this girl, I can't miss another chance, I might not get another one. It also helps that I have some liquid courage in me now. After dancing with my boys for a bit I decide to try finding her again.
While searching I begin thinking, does she even want me to find her? Does she even want to see me? Did she even recognize me? She's probably forgotten about me, we didn't even talk. She probably just smiled at me to be friendly earlier.
Besides a girl like that could get any guy she wants, what chance do I have... But that smile... That smile is worth the try. I search for what feels like an eternity, but she's nowhere to be found...
I've lost all hope in finding this girl, and with a heavy heart, I decide that it is time for me to head home. I head towards the speaker where the guys were and let them know I'm heading back early.
[[Leave|Outside]]I decide to start by heading towards the balcony, god knows I could do with another cigarette right now anyway.
On my way there I skim through the crowd, although there are way to many people to get a good view. Once I get to the balcony, I take out my box of cigarettes, walk to the side and light one up.
She's not here, not that I really believed she would be, not with my luck at least.
I take one puff and begin to think. Does she even want me to find her? Does she even want to see me? Did she even recognize me? She's probably forgotten about me, we didn't even talk. She probably just smiled at me to be friendly earlier. Besides a girl like that could get any guy she wants, what chance do I have...
I look down, to see a few groups of people waiting for their Taxis or Ubers to arrive.
Can't have a good night every time I suppose. And with a heavy heart I too decide to call it a night, I'm no longer really in the mood to party. So I decide to message Brandon, wishing him happy birthday one last time and letting him know that I'll be heading home early.
[[Leave|Outside]]Once I get outside I decide to have one more cigarette before I call myself an Uber.
I light the cigarette and take a deep breath. I guess this is life, constant disappointment.
I look around at the others waiting outside. It's mostly a mix of people who have not quite been having the night they wanted it to be or pairs of people who have found love for one night and who are heading home together to partake in events which may or not lead to regret in the morning. And one angel who just left the building... alone, without a Jack or any other guy on her arm. In fact, she seemed to be having a pretty disappointing night herself. This could be seen by her facial expression and the fact that she could barely take her eyes off her feet.
I can honestly not believe my luck.
There she was... Looking skinny like a model, with her eyes all painted black.
All throughout my body. This is it, this is my chance.
[[...|Burning Kiss]]I finally build up the courage to speak to her.
I might not get another chance. After all this has to be fate...
"Care to share a smoke? Looks like you could do with it" I ask with a slight smile on my face that I am unable to contain.
Did I really just say that? "Looks like you could do with it", are you trying to blow this? I think to myself.
She looked up at me, "that obvious?" she replies half-jokingly.
"uhm no, I'm just all too familiar with that facial expression myself I guess." I reply while taking a seat on the floor beside her allowing my back to lean against the cold wall.
"Well, in that case, I'd love to share a cigarette with you" She replies with a slight grin on her face.
She takes a seat on the floor next to me and takes the cigarette as I offer it to her and puts it to her lips.
And so we shared the burning kiss of the cigarette together. Nicotine has never tasted so sweet. I guess miracles do exist.
[[...|Talk]]A few minutes pass in silence, other than the sound of the cigarette burning with every pull. But not a bad silence, the good type of silence.
The type of silence which can be enjoyed, the silence in which we both just watched the stars flicker in the night sky.
Never did I ever think a sky as polluted as ours could still be beautiful.
With a simple "So what's your name?" she breaks the silence.
"It's Ulrich, its a pretty silly name I know".
"It's not thaaaaat bad", she replies, "it's unique".
"Yeah, I guess, well I suppose it's your turn?"
"Clementine" she replies.
"Clementine" I repeat.
She smiles and nods.
"I like it, It sounds like something out of a movie." I reply.
"Yeah, I sometimes like to pretend I'm in one, ya know?" she replies.
I smile and nod.
"You know, I've been seeing you around today."
I'm not sure if this is a good time to bring the topic up, but I need to find out who she really is.
"Yeah... I'm sorry, you had to see that... Unfortunately, I haven't quite mastered getting by without any.. well help I guess. I guess it makes my life feel more like a movie after all. It's a bit of a problem I guess" she replies while diverting her gaze to her feet.
I guess we are more alike than I thought after all.
"I can't really judge. If anything, I can understand, I have the exact same "problem" I guess and well... It's not something I'd recommend, but it is one way to live." I reply.
[[...|Part Ways]]We sat there for hours, telling stories and getting to know more about each other.
Nothing else seemed to matter. The world around us didn't exist. She made me blush, I made her laugh. I wish this could have lasted forever.
Our lips have become chapped from all the stories told. Eventually, the time came for us to part ways. We both order our separate Ubers.
Hers arrives first.
She gets up and looks at me, "Well it was nice to meet you, Mr. Ulrich." She says putting on a jokingly posh accent.
"The pleasure is all mine, Miss. Clementine" I reply in a terrible imitation of the posh accent.
She laughs and walks towards her uber.
This is it I guess. As she climbs into the backseat, we both share one last glance. She closes the door with a smile on her face.
[[Run after her!|Run]]
[[Leave it up to fate|Leave Her]]The car starts. With a sudden burst of energy, I jolt up and run towards the car as it begins moving.
I run in front of the car to block its path. It stops and I run to her door.
She lowers the window, and before she can get a word out, I say "I'd really like to do this again sometime, can I please get your number".
"I thought you'd never ask" she replies with a grin.
We exchange numbers and I apologize to the driver, she pulls me close to give me a kiss on the cheek before the driver begins driving away.
I'm left with butterflies and a grin on my face that I cannot wipe off while I watch the car disappear in the distance.
I guess we can stop reading all those books now and begin our own story.
I guess there really is more to life than what meets the eye. I guess things really do get better.
Who knows, I might just get my "happily ever after" after all.The car starts.
I think about getting up and running after her, but decide that this was too perfect of a night.
Maybe this is just one of those nights you remember forever.
The nights you'll never relive again, but will remain one of your fondest memories. A "fairytale night" as I like to call it.
I decide to leave it up to fate. If we are meant to be, we will meet again. And if we do, this day will have been a good start to our own fairytale.
I guess there really is more to life than what meets the eye. I guess things really do get better.
For all I know, maybe my "happily ever after" does exist after all.(css: "font-size: 150%;")
[ The Girl
An interactive story
By Ulrich Britz